August 16, 2021
She does him good and not evil all the days of her life – Proverbs 31:12
Last week, I wrote the blog about how we need to acknowledge that as wives we need help. This week I want to remind you that your husband needs your help, too.
We often think of our husbands as strong and not emotional, but the truth is that they have feelings just like we do. They need compassion, care, and love. They need to be comforted and supported. They have needs too.
I wanted to offer a few ways that we can help meet the needs of our husbands, both practically and generally:
He needs your mind. Your husband needs your wisdom. He needs your understanding. You bring a detailed perspective to the table, and he needs that. He needs you to communicate your honest thoughts and feelings. Now, he doesn’t need it in the form of an “I told you so” or “if you listened to me you would be fine” attitude, but he needs it in the form valuable advice, help, and a true desire to see him flourish.
He needs your heart. He needs to know that you love him. Sometimes that needs to be said, but more often it needs to be shown. He needs to know that he is important to you and that you value his place in your life. Often this looks like listening to him and demonstrating that his input matters. It could even be shown in how you talk to him and about him. He needs to feel loved, and it is most important that he feels loved by you.
He needs your support. I believe that we should be our husband’s number one cheerleader. This doesn’t mean that we blindly agree with everything they say. It means that we are present in mind and body for them. It means that we appreciate their efforts to provide for us even if we don’t agree with every business idea or strategy. We don’t beat them down or make them feel like they can’t talk to us. We treat them like our partners and not our enemies or children.
He needs safety. It’s not your home that is the safe place for your husband. It’s you. You should be the one he runs to with the crazy ideas, and you should be the one that is consistent. This world is chaotic, unpredictable, and full of controversy. We have an amazing opportunity to create a safe place in the midst of all of that. So, we don’t talk down to our husbands, discredit them, or make them feel stupid. We make them feel safe because we are safe.
He needs intimacy. You knew it was coming, right? Your husband needs intimacy with you. He needs the comfort of your body whether that is your hand to hold, your lips to kiss, or your arms to embrace him. God created us to need intimacy, and in marriage, that has the added bonus of sex. Your husband needs this, and you do too.
No marriage will survive if either party has unmet needs. It’s time that we acknowledge that our husband has them too. Your husband might need a night out with you, someone to mow the grass because his schedule is so full, or just a cute note letting him know he was on your mind. It doesn’t take much, but it does take something.
Find little ways to meet your husband’s needs this week. These little things are what marriages are built on, but they are also the things that marriages are broken on.
What thing will you do for your husband?