The Myth of Ms. Independent

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

-Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 12

I don’t need a man.

I can take care of myself.

Many of us have said these sentences. Our society actually promotes the sentiment behind it: Ms. Independent.

Artists write songs about her. T-shirts and memes proclaim her attributes, and as a culture, we subscribe to the theory that Ms. Independent is the goal.

Well, she isn’t.

Now, before you disagree and close this blog, take a moment to listen to my heart.

I don’t believe that any woman needs a man to validate her or take care of her. Validation should never come from another person, and God has given us the ability to acquire and maintain finances on our own. Those are great things.

But God has also given us needs. He has placed within each of us a need for others, a need for community, and a need for fellowship. We have treated “need” like a dirty word, but all of us have them.

And we need other people to meet them.

We need healthy relationships – healthy marriages – and if we act like we don’t need our husbands we are creating a very destructive environment. If we tell them we don’t need them we might as well tell them we don’t want them.

Can I kill the wayward spider that I find in the house? Of course. Am I thankful that I can depend on my husband to do it for me? Absolutely!

Can I provide for my children and myself? Yes. Am I thankful that I can depend on my husband to provide for us as well? Absolutely!

Can I make it without my husband? Yes. Am I thankful that I don’t have to? Absolutely.

Don’t allow the lure of being Ms. Independent to cause you to become Ms. Cold, Ms. Detached, or Ms. Bitter. Be thankful for your independence, but recognize that God has given you needs – godly desires – to do life in community and partnership with others. Be grateful that you have a husband, great friends, and/or family to lift you if you fall and to hold you close when the world gets so cold!

You can be Ms. Independent, but you don’t have to.