December 21, 2020
being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ – Philippians 1:6
Last week, I shared how broken I was during the first part of my marriage. My self-esteem was practically non-existent, and I hid behind working hard and accomplishing goals. The satisfaction in acquiring things and gaining the approval of people was short-lived, and I would have to do more and work harder to compensate. I detailed last week, how I began to expect my husband to fix me and make me feel better, and I shared how that caused so much strain on our marriage.
This week I want to share three practical ways that I went from being a broken wife to being a believing wife. I will tell you that the scripture above has been instrumental in my deliverance. When I can’t be confident in myself or with my husband, I find strength knowing that I can be confident in God. He won’t leave me where I am. He started something great on the inside of me (and you), and He will see it through to completion.
I stopped lying to myself. It is a problem when you lie to others, but it is ridiculous to lie to yourself. Sadly, that is what I was doing. I lied to myself over and over again. I told myself that I was ok, that I didn’t need any help, that I needed to work hard so that God would approve of me. All of those – hear me – all of those were lies. I wasn’t ok, I needed a lot of help, and God already approved of me. If we are going to allow God to heal our brokenness we must first acknowledge that we are broken. Stop pretending that you are ok if you are not. What are you lying to yourself about? Are you saying that a behavior is normal that isn’t? Are you accepting less than God’s best and saying that is good enough? Are you faking an image of a perfect marriage when things aren’t anywhere near perfect?
I developed a real relationship with God. I had gone to church all my life. Unless I was sick, I was at church every time there was a service (and when you are from the country there is always a service). I knew about God, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. So, I was religious. I tried to keep the rules and do what is expected, and I was dying inside. I can remember where I was on my kitchen floor when I really cried out to God and asked Him for a real relationship, and as cliche as it sounds, it changed everything. God did not intend for us to have to figure out everything on our own or claw and fight for victory in every battle. He has given us His Holy Spirit to lead and guide us into all truth (John 16:13), but when we try to do it on our own we miss this great Helper. Time with God changes our perspective, our priorities, and our pursuits. It took my attention off of what everyone else had done to me and put it on all that God was doing in me and for me. I no longer spent time telling God to fix all that I thought was wrong with John because God was fixing all that was wrong with me (and because John could see changes in me, he was more open to the changes God was making in him).
I began to tell others. You want to know how to rise up out of self-pity and brokenness? Help others. As I began to see changes I was compelled to help others. I had to be honest and vulnerable (which was scary), but I found great joy in sharing my struggles with other wives and seeing them make changes as well. The enemy of our souls would love for us to be ashamed of our struggles. He uses that shame to silence us, but God wants to use our stories as testimonies that will produce victories in the lives of others. I refused to be held captive by my past mistakes, and I refused to let wives be held captive either. If God has given you a key use it to set someone else free.
There is more wisdom that I have gained on this journey, but I believe these three steps are crucial to your freedom and victory. I would love to hear any wisdom that you want to share. How have you overcome brokenness in your life?