Is This Relationship Mutually Beneficial?

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
-Genesis 2:18

I love being married, and I love what marriage entails, but it has taken me years to begin to understand my role in marriage. It’s not just cooking and cleaning and having sex. It’s so much more than that.

In Genesis 2:18, God desired that Adam would have a helper. So, he took a rib from the inside of Adam and placed it beside him. There was nothing already created that would do what God needed to be done. So, he creatively formed woman for a unique purpose: to help him. Even though you are to help him, you are not less than him. Note that this version says “comparable to him”. That means equal to him. Actually, you are to help each other. You should push each other to be all that God has you to be. Too often, that is not the case.

I have been guilty myself of not being the helper I should be.

John often asks how can he help me. Just this weekend he drove me almost two hours away to support me as I prayed at a funeral. He didn’t have a role or responsibility. He just went to support me and make sure that I was taken care of. It made me wonder: do I help him as much as he helps me? Am I as much of a blessing to him as he is to me?

I learned in high school science that there are three types of relationships in which two different species live and interact together. The first one is mutualism: this is when both partners benefit. This is the type of relationship God designed for us. The husband and the wife should thrive together. Where one is weak the other is strong, and there union produces the best for each partner.

The second type of relationship is commensalism: in this relationship one partner benefits, but the other partner is not helped or harmed. This is the type of relationship where one person doesn’t openly try to hurt or attack the other, but they do make sure that things work out to benefit themselves.

The last type of relationship is parasitism: You are probably familiar with this term. It is where one party benefits and the other loses. When a parasite is in a body, it grows while the body deteriorates. In a relationship, one spouse takes and never gives. A relational parasite leads to the death of the marriage and the damage of the other spouse.

What is the point of this science lesson? I want you to think about what type of relationship you have with your spouse. Are you both benefiting or is one spouse being harmed? Is it all about you or all about us? Does one party win while the other party loses? Is it mutually beneficial in one aspect but parasitic in others? Take some time this week to review this science lesson. I pray that your relationship is mutually beneficial, and that if it isn’t you will take the necessary steps to make it so.

Blessings!