Release Control! (Marriage Killer #3)
Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all [a]speak the same thing, and that there be no [b]divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.
1 Corinthians 1:10
John decorated our family room. That may not mean much to you, but it is a big deal to me. I have a certain way I like things. I had pictures in my mind of what I wanted each room to look like, but we decided that I would decorate the living room and he would decorate the family room. I didn't realize what I had agreed to.
He currently has floating shelves with Marvel, Starwars, and all sorts of characters. There are bookshelves of videos and board games. There is a Coca-Cola clock in the shape of a drink with bubbles and a straw hanging in the corner - a Coca-Cola clock, you guys!
Every now and then, I walk in to the family room and make a suggestion to him about what I think should look different. Some days my suggestions are subtle. Other days they are kind of in your face. Either way, he reminds me that he is decorating this room - not me.
My need to insert my opinion or have something to say about the room is showing my need to feel in control. See, even though we agreed that he would decorate that room himself I still want it to look the way I want it to look.
We think control only shows up in trying to manage who someone talks to or where they go, but it shows up in so many ways in our marriages:
trying to control what your spouse eats
making subtle (or not so subtle) hints about how they should dress or look
making decisions for them instead of with them
trying to determine who their friends are
telling them what to do and having a fit if things aren't done your way
Control can easily lead to manipulation (where you try to make a situation work out a certain way or make a person do what you want them to do) and neither of these are godly. There will always be things that are outside of our control, and that definitely includes people. We must release the need to control and trust God to lead, guide, and protect us.
I am not to control him, and he is not to control me. We are to work together so that there are no divisions, or schisms, in our union. We are to be perfectly joined together. Am I going to let decor divide us?
So, I have a choice. Release control and enjoy peace or try to maintain control (which I clearly do not have, did I mention there is a Coke clock?) and create disorder.
I choose peace. I choose to focus on the fact that more than that ridiculous Coke clock, there is peace and joy in my home like never before. There is prayer and thanksgiving happening in my home like never before. There is laughter, lots of laughter, happening in my home like never before. It's a safe place for us, and we all need to be happy there.
I'm not just shutting my mouth. I'm releasing control. I'm not saying anything else about that room, which happens to actually be well-put together (even if it's a lot for me), clean, and planned down to the African statues in the corner. I'll release control and thank God that I have a husband and children to share this interesting room with. I'll release control and save my energy for a real battle because this is not one.
There are some things that you have to release control over. I encourage you to do it now. You will find so much peace when you do!
Are you controlling in an area? Be honest, and then release it to God. Get your heart right about it and walk in peace. Feel free to comment what the area is below knowing that I am praying for and with you!