Let's Talk About Sex (Part 2)

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

-Hebrews 13:4


Last week we talked about issues with sex and intimacy, and your response was amazing. So good in fact, that I thought I completed the assignment and could move on. It was not the most comfortable subject for me (again, my family reads this blog), and it's an area that I continue to grow in. So, I thought: YES! I wrote about it. I'm working through it with all of these amazing wives. I obeyed you, God, and all is well.

Not so!

God had another plan. He showed me that I did a good job of highlighting the negative behaviors that we need to stop, but He also wanted me to discuss some positive behaviors that we need to put in place. So, here is part two:

  • Flirt - Husbands like for us to flirt with them. It makes them feel desirable, and it causes them to want you more. So, dear wife, flirt with your spouse! Wink at him. Touch his but. Send him a cute picture. Leave him a suggestive note. Play "footsie" with him under the dining room table. Make him feel wanted.

  • Look desirable - Put on something that makes you feel sexy. It's ok. You are married. I'm not telling you to wear your bikini to the grocery store (PLEASE DON'T). I'm saying when you are with your husband wear something that is appealing to him and makes you feel good. John once asked me why I wore so many clothes (because I often have on a tank top, a shirt, and a sweater). Don't laugh at me, I'm dressing practically for the varying temperatures I will experience in my office, but those layers don't appeal to him when we are on a date. So, I need to dress in a way that I like, but one that also gives him something to look at. Put on those heels. Wear that form-fitting dress. Doll up in those leggings that he likes so much. Our husbands are visual so give him some eye-candy. 

  • Initiate sex - Yep...I said it. Every now and then we need to make the first move. We need to let them know that they are wanted. Set the atmosphere. Remove the distractions. Show them that you want them just as much as they want you.

  • Make an effort - Your spouse does not just want you to be a participant in sex. He wants you to be a willing participant. Sometimes we are guilty of just laying there. I can't believe I just wrote that line, but it is the truth. They want us to be actively engaged. They don't want to have to do all the work while you act as if you are just waiting for it to be over. I understand that there are times that we are tired, and we really aren't in the mood for it, but it is in the best interest of our marriages that we are active, willing participants in sex. Show them that you are willing to give the effort despite your fatigue. 

  • Pray about it - I know that you might think I'm being super deep, but I am being so serious. God is concerned about every aspect of our marriages including sex. Ask God to give you a stronger sex drive, a deeper desire to be intimate with your spouse, and supernatural energy to do so. Ask him to show you opportunities that you may miss. Ask him to make you sensitive to the needs of your husband. Ask him to remove pride, bitterness, or envy from your heart so that you can be a willing participant. The bible talks about sex, so God is not shy about it. He designed it, after all. Ask him.

Hopefully, these ideas will help you as you seek greater intimacy with your spouse. I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions as well. 

Debra CheekComment